Bedtime Routines Are Always Changing

Sometimes it's because of teething, or a cold. This time it was the loss of our sweet fur baby Hurley Monster and a week long vacation at the beach. They happened to collide on the same day and it's just hasn't been the same since we've been back.

I want to write more about Hurley later, when the pain is less raw and I can maybe get through the post without sobbing so hard my eyes puff up and I can't see. Right now, we are just taking it day by day. We all miss him like crazy and Van asks everyday when Hurley is going to come back down, or what does Jesus look like or when we will go live with Jesus so we can see Hurley. (See tears welling up already.)

So, we've reverted back to laying with each of our babes until they fall asleep. Bedtime has never been my favorite time of day but one of my favorite moments happens at bedtime. And the only chance you get to savor this moment is when you are lying in bed with your child, he is curled up next to you, holding your hand in his, right under his chin and against his heart. You can feel his heartbeat and remember all those visits to your midwife, when he was growing inside you, to hear that incredible sound. His other hand is holding a corner of his Bobby (blanket), he likes the corner with the tag and he has twisted that corner perfectly so he can rub it against his ear as he settles in to drift to sleep. This is the same movement his daddy made with his lovey when he was a baby and it's a trademark. I take a deep breath and take in his sweet boy smell. It's summer so he smells like his shampoo but that just been outside playing smell never seems to leave him.

He's mine and I am his. And in this moment I never want to give up this bedtime routine. 

Earlier in the evening before it was just him and me; it was me, him and Rory. Derek went to the baseball game with friends so I was lying with them both and hoping they would fall asleep together. That obviously didn't happen, but before I had to take her into her room, they were lying next to each other just giggling and talking and as much as I tried telling them, "it's time for bed now." "We are going to stop talking now." "I will separate you if you both do not hush." I had to stop for a moment and just watch them. Van had turned his back to Rory to keep from talking to her and she started rubbing his back saying, "big brubber.........big brubber.......big brubber niiiiiiiice...." Van couldn't take it anymore and started giggling then turned back around to her to kiss and hug her.

Their love is so big and so pure for each other. It's not to say that they don't get upset at each other. At any given moment Rory will cry because Van has taken "her", really his toy away from her or Van is frustrated because Rory has knocked down his blocks but then minutes later they are hugging and playing so nicely. It makes my heart swell with happiness. And I pray that they are always this close.

Rory has gotten very tricky at bedtime. We used to be able to go through our routine of all sitting together, reading books, drinking our milk and saying our prayers then she and I would say goodnight to daddy and Van, go into her room, I'd sing her her lullaby and place her in the crib, say "i love you. goodnight bean." She would say, "wuve you. night". And that was that.

But lately, she has been crying so hard for me after I put her down that she will gag herself and throw up everywhere. It is not a little spit up either. It is full on stomach emptying projectile vomit. GROSS. I've had to remove her bumper and crib skirt so many times to get cleaned that they are just not going back on anymore. And it's to the point now that either letting her stay up a little longer or laying with her (like we already do with Van) is just ten times easier than cleaning up vomit off her, her crib, blankets and stuffed animals, the rug, the hardwoods, the walls.........you get the picture.....

She is at that funny and adorable (just not when trying to get her to sleep ) stage where she is really talking and she LOVES to hear herself talk so she has become quite the chatterbox. As I lay with her she is going on and on about everyone in between sips of her milk, in between pointing out every facial feature on my face and then kissing them. I know she's about to crash when she abruptly stops talking, turns into me and curls her hands up under chin. Then she is so asleep that when I pick her up to transfer her to her crib, all her limbs will just fall in every direction if I do not hold her tightly against my chest. (Try doing that in the dark, tangled up in sheets!)

So looking on the bright side, even though I don't get to eat dinner until (what time is it?) 9:00 pm and my stomach is growling and sometimes I fall asleep with one of my sweet children so I never eat or get to spend a little time with my wonderful husband; I know it will not be like this forever and one day I will look back at these precious, fleeting moments with the two best parts of me and I will want to snuggle them in close, smell their baby/toddler smells, feel their little hearts beating as they safely drift to sleep. 

These are the moments that I thank God every day for. These are the moments, the reasons I started this blog in the first place. The reason I need to make this blog a bigger priority. Life is short, love hard and don't blink.